Utter Autism

June 10, 2012

Vexing Visits

It’s another home visit weekend and Adrian’s here hanging out with us.   But I wish I could know exactly how he feels about that.  Before he moved out, it was just what we did.  There wasn’t another option.  Now there is.

When the alarm went off Saturday morning for me to go pick him up, I was having a bit of a nightmare.  In my dream our family drove to Adrian’s residence to pick him up but he wasn’t there.  He was with his housemates and classmates at a theatre.  So we drove over there and I ran in to get him.

But it was the dress rehearsal and Adrian was in the show.  Adrian was calm and happy, participating and following the instructions staff gave him.  Was I going to take him away from that?

As dreams do, I skipped to the next scene where they were having a dinner after the rehearsal.  I remember trying to use my phone to call my husband and let him know what was happening.  They were all waiting in the car.  But Adrian was enjoying his dinner, interacting with staff and having a good time.  How was I going to take him away from that?

Turns out real life isn’t that far off from my dream.  This Saturday Adrian’s house had plans to go to the zoo.  He was coming to our house instead … but is that what he would have preferred?  We just don’t know.  Adrian isn’t at all reliable about answering such questions.

At his residence he’s calmer.  He uses far less medication than when he lived here with us.  When we go there to take him out for a few hours, he’s always good.  It’s not until he’s back here at home for a while that the aggression pops up again.  Why?  I don’t know for certain.

What I do know is that we’ve somehow got to balance our visits with the other opportunities Adrian has now.  We need to find ways to spend time with him that minimize the aggression and stress and maximize everyone’s enjoyment.  One possibility is that we could pick him up on a Friday night for home visits and bring him back Saturday early.  That would reduce the ‘down’ time at home that seems to breed the behavior problems and also make sure he’s home to go on whatever weekend excursions his house has planned.

It may take us some time and experimentation to figure out that perfect timing, schedule and frequency of visits.  But I’m confident we’ll eventually find a way to regularly enjoy visits with him.  🙂

 

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